I just got back from a week in the Rocky Mountains at a resort where, I swear, time has not changed in 50 years. My husband asked if they had a Wi-Fi Cafe nearby. Not only is there no wi-fi, there’s no cafe. There is certainly no cell phone service and the one ancient pay phone only worked a few hours every other day. Personally, I loved it.
I even got to spend some quality time with a few of the following residents of Crazie Town.
The Older Sister – who, I maintain, interpreted the following road sign even sillier than I did. “No Snowplowing Between 7pm-7am.” I decided it meant people shouldn’t be using their own snowplows during this time. My sister decided this meant that when you’re skiing you can’t use the snowplow move after 7pm. I believe I will rate our decisions as “Double Doh’s” since Older Brother explained it meant that during a snowstorm, the roads would not be plowed after 7pm.
The Husband (not an original resident, but has been around long enough to receive dual citizenship) – who gave new meaning to the expression “haste-makes-waste.” As we walked out to the picnic table with the rest of the meal, he was asked to add grapes to the salad before he brought it out. Many minutes later when no salad or husband arrived, I returned to the cabin to find him still in the kitchen. He was inspecting each and every grape on the vine, only removing the undamaged ones. He placed the perfect grape in the middle of a dinner plate where he carefully sliced it exactly in half, only then depositing it gently on top of the lettuce. I have to admit, it was a delicious salad.
The Niece – who couldn’t quit giggling every time we said we were “Going to the Poudre.” The Poudre River runs through the area where we stayed. It is pronounced, by the locals, as “Poo-der” which is, evidently quite close to “Pooter” which is a word I won’t explain to you.
The Older Brother – who unsuccessfully tried to hide the fact that within minutes of wandering over to the “Pooter” river to inspect the velocity of the rushing waters, fell in. Was he hurt? Who knows. Our only concern was that thereafter, any bonehead move would be dubbed “Doing a Mike.”
The Nephew and his Wife – they’re newlyweds so, let’s just leave them out of this, okay? Well, maybe just one thing. Homemade pie? I know it’s not a competition but on my night to cook I made spaghetti with bottled sauce. On their night they made Juicy Lucys (look it up) and for dessert a homemade four-fruit pie. Four fruits? Really?
And what about the Mayor of Crazie Town? Well, let’s see. I packed two humongus suitcases – 49 pounds each – filled with every essential a Crazie person would need. I used my husband’s travel golf bag to bring two collapsable lawn chairs (in case there aren’t enough chairs at the resort), a set of sheets (I can’t very well sleep on theirs can I?) and two large furniture throws (who wants to spend a week in plaid couch hell?) In the other suitcase I packed hiking boots, several pairs of sneakers, sandals and my clothes, which included all the white t-shirt I own (and are now covered in every kind of stain known to man), a sketch pad, colored pencils and book titled Drawing for the Absolute Beginner (in case my writing career never takes off), and my laptop (which I never even opened.)
And we’ll end with the icing on the cake. because even though I packed my own travel coffee mug, once there I decided to purchase a dust covered “handcrafted” ceramic one for $20 (which I forgot to bring home).
Who’s crazie now? Huh?
P.S. Do me a favor would you? Share the Crazie with a friend. Thanks!
You don’t have to go that far away to find this kind of place. About 20 miles east of KC, there’s a weather barrier and tornados and just plain rain lift up and head north-north-east.
I am told cultural influences do this as well. It’s not entirely true about the culture but you have to dig through the corn and soy beans a bit. That’s because, what is here is deeply rooted.
Isn’t that true west of KC also?
Deeply rooted. I like that. Crazie Town residents are firmly planted there, that’s for sure!
If only they all could see.. you should post some pix.. saw your Neice’s – the one that needs help – can’t wait to see yours..
Shelly, LOL! Just thinking about how many family members would sue me if I posted their picture. I guess I need to get a release signed by everyone before the holidays!
I laugh a lot when I read your messages. I am also learning more about your spouse who happens also to be my boss at the Statehouse.
I have a new email address. Please delete my old one and use the new one which is firstname.lastname@example.org
Your niece seems to have some issues, is she seeking help?
Nothing a little homemade pie wouldn’t solve!
WTF are you talking about?
I never thought of bringing throws to cover up the ugly furniture. You are my Guru!
Yay! You’re back!! I loved this account of your vacation, and could visualize everyone perfectly–even those I know only through your writing (and gossiping, of course). Miss you so much 😦 Is there a road trip in anyone’s future. T? John? Bob? All Crazie’s welcome here!
Teresa, it sounds so like the vacation I thought you would have. Makes me so glad I don’t have family to do these things with. Welcome back.
It’s great to be back in the land of Starbucks and WiFi. I miss my WTF (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday) Critique Group. Because my friends at WTF (Writing Tough Feedback) always support me. THANKS!
Carolyn, for heaven’s sake, she just came back to the real world after a week in the mountains with her family. That would throw anyone off their game.
forgive me. this is not up to the usual standard i have come to expect.