I survived the family vacation, but I’m not sure I can say the same for my nephew’s kids.
When he and his wife arrived with their four, very well behaved, little girls they looked something like this.
Good Girls
They sat quietly, shared their toys without complaint and volunteered to clean up.
However, after the residents of Crazie Town taught them how to have pillow fights, how to rip the winning Slap Jack card from their little sister’s hand and how to shout taunts of “DRAW BABY, DRAW” while playing vicious games of Uno, they looked like this.
Bad Girls
As I was apologizing to my nephew for his daughters latest Slap Jack fight, he said it reminded him of the time he came to visit Crazie Town as a kid and we played some evil game called Spoons.
“Spoons?” his eldest daughter asked. “What’s Spoons?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said. “It’s kind of like musical chairs only with cards and spoons. You probably wouldn’t like it any way.”
Five minutes later she quietly sidled up beside me and laid a stack of spoons on the table. “Teach me this game…” her eyes searched mine, hungry for knowledge…”this game called Spoons.”
I hesitated, not sure if she was ready for such an evil activity because here are the “rules” as they are known in Crazie Town.
1. Remove all chairs and pull dining room table into the center of the room.
2. Place spoons (one less than number of players) in center of table.
3. Players stand around the edge of the table. Note: Taller or gullible people are to be assigned the corners.
4. Shuffle several decks of cards together and deal four to each player.
5. Dealer draws one card from the deck. He/She keeps it toward their match or passes it face down to the next person who picks it up and does the same.
6. When a player manages to get three of a kind they calmly reach for a spoon, as does everyone else.
7. The spoon-less person earns a letter toward the spelling of the word S-P-O-O-N. (Or the spelling of LOSER, IDIOT, etc.)
In Crazie Town, rule number six is…shall we say…negotiable.
I remember a game where my older brother chased me through the dining room and kitchen, up the stairs and into the attic where he wrenched the winning spoon from my hand. For some unknown reason, this was ruled “Fair Play” and thus, the game of Full Contact Spoons was born.
My first Thanksgiving dinner with my husband’s family almost ended in a trip to the emergency room when he thought it would be funny to sweep all the spoons onto the floor. Husband and his daughter chased a spoon across the living room, bumping into a large bookcase that would have crushed them had someone not grabbed it at the last minute. (Said person never releasing control of their precious spoon, of course.)
I once taught the game to a dozen, quite civilized, British people who, within ten minutes were standing atop a fifteen foot long antique harvest table wrestling and screaming for spoons. The tournament came down to two men, my husband being one of them. The other being a proud gay man. (As an aside…this proud gay man loved to sunbathe nude. The first day of our trip, he came strolling out of the house naked and plopped himself down next to my husband whose only reaction was to ask “could you point that thing the other direction?) But I digress. On this particular evening of the Spoons game that came down to two men, we quickly chose sides and stood behind our Olympians shouting our support. Year’s later, the results are still disputed and arguments deteriorate into who saved whom in what war.
Is that the kind of activity in which a little seven year old girl should be participating?
My better judgement did prevail and my niece left the family vacation for home without the knowledge of This Game Called Spoons.
At least until next year.
CRAZIE TOWN 
Man! I must have lived a very sheltered life! I never heard of any of this stuff. Canasta was a radical as it got around our place!
Is it warm enough to be naked outside in Great Britain–ever? I don’t think I’d have a good showing.
What was the story from the family gathering about your father and the garden implement on the porch of your family home? Guess that will have to wait for later. All I have to say now is, “Ho, Ho, Ho, this was very funny.”
This is an absolutely laugh out loud (and I did) story. I especially enjoyed the segue into the Brit who sunbathed naked. Well done!!
Janet,
Glad you liked it. I’ve been dying to tell “The Brit Story” so was glad to find a reason to squeeze it in. Thanks for posting!
LOVE this!
Annie,
Thanks for the post! Did you ever participate in one of our Full Contact Spoon-athons?
You brought back fond memories of my family’s games of Spoons. But Pinochle is where we drew blood. It wasn’t full contact, but looks and comments killed.
Theresa
Theresa,
“Drawing blood with looks.” Oh, I think we both can make blog posts out of that one. We have a card game called Spite and Malice. Enough said. 🙂
I know Spite and Malice, too!
Love it! I’m wondering if initiating a game in the kitchen at work today would be considered genius or uncouth? It’s such a fine line!
Maybe you can pitch it to your boss. I actually had one of the “British People” contact me a few weeks later and ask for the rules because he thought it would make a good “Team Building” exercise. Really?
Our version of spoons involved a swimming pool. The greatest danger was the potential for head-to-head collisions in the “deep end” and being “held under” in the shallow end. The pool was located in an apartment complex. The benefit of the games was that it drove the manager nuts.
Carol,
“Held under in the shallow end.” Oh my, I just had a shiver. I was always so short that even the shallow end of most pools were over my head. What my brothers could have accomplished with that game!
Crazie,
How generous you are to report on the dysfunction in your family. It is quite funny and only an odd coincidence that you always are there during the turmoil. I suspect there are times it occurs without your presence. Right?
Right?
Danezeller,
Wait? What? Are you suggesting there are times my family gets together without me? Impossible!
the Olympics seem so dull now.
Serenelife,
It’s true. We are world class athletes. 🙂
Be careful, she is likely to pay you back at some unsuspecting time!!!
I recall being thrown into a fireplace in a fight for the prized spoon — I had no idea anyone else played with the same rules!!
Sherry,
Maybe we should have a playoff – your family vs. ours? Nah. We’re likely to start WWIII!