I Own a Crack Den for Wasps

No Flip Flops

No Flip Flops

I finally gave up one of my Crazie Town mid-life crisis dreams.  The one where I tour the United States with The Ugly Duckling; the 1955 camper I bought two years ago from the flip-flop-wearing not-a-killer, Ed.

No sitting with her on a beach or on a mountaintop.  No Tin Can Tourist Rally or Sisters on the Fly event for us.  But, she has made it possible to fulfill another mid-life crisis dream.

Before the Vintage Camper vision, I’d dreamed of having a little cabin on our 113 acre family farm.  I’d gotten pretty close, meeting with a shed-building company and designing a 10×10 rustic hut.  A week from installation, they called the county for a building permit and were rejected.  It seems that even though across the road there is a plastic skeleton sitting on a broken toilet and next door they have 12 English mastiffs chained up, I’m not allowed to have a structure without running water.

With a lot of tears a little creative thinking, I realized I already owned the perfect little cabin — on wheels.

Ugly Duckling to the Rescue

Ugly Duckling to the Rescue

I drove  hill and dale looking for the perfect place to park her.

IMG_1125

And finally settled on a knoll overlooking the pond. Before you go, “ahhh” I should tell you that this has got to be the world’s ugliest pond. What ever Bubba my dad hired 30 years ago to screw it up  fix it, managed to make it worse.  It’s not deep enough to sustain anything but a few frogs and an acre of pond scum.  But, it’s water and I’m dreaming of the day the crops produce enough money when I can screw it up fix it.

Maybe it is the OCD in me, but I’ve enjoyed carving out my own, personally-designed campground.

I cleared out piles of cedar branches.

Wrestling with Nature

Wrestling with Nature

I bought a picnic table and, against my straight brothers’ wishes, painted it shocking pink — to the delight of my gay brothers.

LGBT Friendly Campsite

LGBT Friendly Campsite

 

Built a fire ring

PERFECT!  Maybe? Nope.

PERFECT! Maybe? Nope.

and, like the giant sofa the movers place in your house that you decide needs to be six inches to the left, I moved the fire ring and rebuilt it again.

Let There be FIRE

Let There be FIRE

I also discovered that the Ugly Duckling is like a crack den for wasps. Not the White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant kind, but the one with wings and a painful sting.  And, shortly after that, I was crushed to discover that in an 8×8 space, you should never use a broom to chase them away.

Wasp-1/Mayor-0

Wasp-1/Mayor-0

 

20 thoughts on “I Own a Crack Den for Wasps

  1. Pingback: Pwall-Ticka-Abe | CRAZIE TOWN

  2. Janet Sunderland

    Okay. Here’s what you do, having a camper on the farm that I don’t use daily or even monthly… get moth balls. They are nasty and require airing out camper whenever you do manage to get out there, but they kill bugs. And spiders. As a bonus, they dissuade mice and snakes from taking up residence. I put 4 or 5 mothballs on a piece of paper towel in strategic places along camper floor. With your small place maybe 3 spots. No more wasps. But then no more crazy town posts re camper so maybe delete delete delete. ..

    Reply
    1. CrazieTown Post author

      Janet, it has been an interesting experiment in organic living. Have avoided moth balls because of the naphthalene, but Saturday saturated the ground with some kind of napalm to kill the ticks. I’m beginning to understand farmers a little better.

      Reply
  3. Sherry

    Buy lots of hair spray — their wings stick and they can’t fly and you step on em!!! Might need to air the place out a bit afterwards….be careful not to let more wasps in!! or light the stove! In fact, next time you’re at the Dr’s office grab a mask.

    Reply
    1. CrazieTown Post author

      Thanks for the advice Sherry. I did spray with hair spray but he must have been a ninja warrior because he just kept right on dive bombing me. Ack!

      Reply
  4. dawndowney

    I’m very disappointed to learn of the failure of the broom in the 8×8 space. So now, if this ever happens to me (yeah, like I would ever spend the night anywhere without twelve walls and a couple of elevators between me and the great outdoors), I’ll be forced to leave the camper to the wasps and hitchhike back to town. Thanks for the warning.

    Reply
  5. Rob McKnight

    You’ve reignited my dream to take to the ‘open road’ and seek great adventures! Thank you. It will give me more exciting stories to share at the upcoming 50th high school reunion. (So much better tham saying, ‘there I was in the basement of our patio home when the neighbor’s new gas grill caught their deck on fire.’) Bring on the grizzlies! Anxiously awaiting the next episode of “Crazy Town Diva Wipes Out A Colony of Endangered Wildlife.” No doubt followed by “”Building Codes For A Fire Pit?”

    Reply

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