Tag Archives: Karma

Meet The Mayor of Crazie Town

Hello, my long-lost readers.

Wait.

You weren’t lost, I was.

???? Lost

You may be asking, WTF?  Why did The Mayor go from writing a hilariously funny and entertaining post every week, to barely a dozen over the last two years?

That is an excellent question and one I’ve been trying to answer for…well, the last two years.

I could tell you a lot of stuff happened, like:

My dad died,

and then;

My favorite aunt died,

and then;

My dog died,

and then;

We moved into the house from hell,

and then;

My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer,

and then…

And then, I got stuck in Child’s Pose.  Literally.  Knees to chest, forehead pinned to a yoga mat.

My first yoga class in years and, unable to stand in Warrior 1, 2 or 3, I folded myself into Child’s Pose to wait for a position I could manage.  The problem became apparent immediately.  Once I arranged myself into Child’s Pose, huge crocodile tears rolled down my face and plopped onto the mat.  As the puddle of tears grew, the salty drops splashed back up onto my cheeks.

“Let’s continue our Vinyasa,” the teacher murmured to the class while tucking a pile of tissues next to me.  “Downward Dog…to Plank…to Cobra.”

I pushed up to try a Downward Dog but, the tears traveled upside down across my forehead and added to the growing dark patch on my purple mat.  Back to Child’s Pose, where I continued to weep silently until the class was over.

That was it.  I’m done.

I’m actually tired of being sad.

Khalil Gibran wrote: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

I figure by now, my life can hold a shit-load of joy.

For example, this brings me joy.

Blue Mayor

I’ve spent a small fortune at Shutterstock and thought it would be better to pay an artist I’ve actually met.  This is a creation from one of the extremely talented members of the WTF Critique Group.  Annie is an artist, a writer, an art critic and a world traveler.  I hate her awesome talent.  I think she has awesome talent!

I asked her to make a drawing that looks like me but add a top hat.

Done and done.

Meet the Mayor of Crazie Town. She confirmed that hilariously funny and entertaining blog posts will soon follow.

 

Crazie Toad’s Wild Ride

I am back in Crazie Town after a whirlwind trip to New York City.

Crazie Town's Sister City

I cleaned out my purse when I got home and here’s what I found.

**Boarding pass for the flight where I’m pretty sure I slept so hard I drooled on myself.

**My ticket stub to Rising Stars.  The Laguardia High School for the Arts annual talent show.  It was AMAZing.  One guy came on stage and played guitar like I’ve never seen. He transported himself and the audience to another space and time.  And, oh yeah, he’s 15 and he’s going to Laguardia for his art, he just plays the guitar for fun.

**A shuttle pass to get me from one subway station to another.  The “L” was closed for the weekend and I was trying to get to Brooklyn to visit one of my brothers.  I was with a friend who valiantly attempted over and over again to get us there on the subway but we finally bailed and climbed into a cab.

We gave him the address and he said “Where’s that?”

I paused and said, “I have no idea,”

“Well,” he said.  “You’re the one who wants to go there, not me.”

**The receipt for the craziest most useless watch I’ve ever purchased.

**A ticket stub to the Natural History Museum.  While holding my 7-year-old niece’s hand she said “Mimi, when I see a caveman it makes me want to learn about dinosaurs.  Dinosaurs make me want to learn about rocks.  And, rocks make me want to learn about outer space.”  As for me, I was just trying to make to the food court to get a snack.

**Drawing of me and said niece as mermaids.

**Restaurant receipt for a local diner where I ended up eating breakfast twice in one day. Once at 9 am and once at midnight.

**Hand written directions for a car service.  I seem to have the worse Car Karma ever.  My friend told me she’d ordered a car for me to take me to the film site where my brother was shooting Person of Interest.

“No problem,” she said.  “They know where it is and they have GPS if they get lost.”

I climb into the waiting (GPS free) car and the first words of broken English out of his mouth were.  “Where are we going?”  Thank goodness for smart phones as I looked up the location on the internet and wrote them out for him.  He was so diligent about taking me to the exact address that he drove onto the set to let me out.

**The program for Now.Here.This.  Another brother is the musical director of this Off-Broadway play and I got to attend the first preview of it.  Not to brag, but it was the best musically directed play I’ve ever seen.

In between all of this, I walked approximately 400 miles of concrete sidewalks, I changed sleeping quarters five times, I learned how to take the subway all by myself and, sadly, I discovered a book about monsters that appears to be almost an exact duplicate of the children’s book I’ve been working on for two years.

It was a wild ride and although I loved every minute of it, I am happy to be home where I can look out my office window and see green grass, where I can drive my car the 50 yards from one store to the other, and yes, my dear friends at WTF Critique group, where I can finish the last few paragraphs of my book.

 

 

Karma’s a Bitch, Man

All I did was kill a few cockroaches and now look what’s happened.

Last week my husband and I rented a condo on the beach in North Carolina. I picked it off the internet so was pleasantly surprised to walk in and see it was very similar to the pictures. Garage on the first floor, living room/kitchen on the next and finally, the bedroom at the top of a winding flight of stairs. There was even, as advertised, an ocean view. Okay, you had to lean over the deck railing to see it, but hey, it was there.

Unfortunately we came home that evening to find giant cockroaches swarming our food in the kitchen. I’m talking GIANT cockroaches. You learn a lot about a person when there’s an emergency. For example, my big strong handsome husband? Scared of cockroaches. I ran upstairs and jumped on the bed — where every woman knows, no pest can reach you, right? I dialed the landlord and through my chattering teeth told them the problem. They explained (quite haughtily I might add) that the bugs were Palmetto bugs. And even though they were harmless water bugs, they would be by in the morning to exterminate.

People who know me, know that I don’t like chemicals. I only eat organic food. I don’t allow pressure treated wood to be used in my house. I even apologized to my trees when the electrical company came by to trim them. But, GIANT cockroaches? Bring on the weapons of mass destruction, baby. I wanted them obliterated!

The next day few days were miserable as the poisoned bugs wandered aimlessly around the condo before flipping onto their backs and crossing their six legs, looking for all the world like a corpse in a casket. All my time inside was spent cowering in the middle of the bed on the top floor of the condo. Payback, right?

Not quite. We made it home without incident and being an avid gardener, the first thing I did was to run out and check my beautiful organic vegetable garden. Somehow, something (giant cockroaches?) had torn/chewed/blown a hole in the netting surrounding my precious greens. So, instead of seeing row upon row of green leafy lettuces, there was only bare ground. My entire crop had been obliterated!

Like I said, Karma’s a Bitch, Man.