We Only Got The Yeller

My husband and I recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. For most people our age, that’s a tiny number but, for me it’s a milestone. As my father so eloquently put it on my first anniversary, “You’ve never stuck with anything that long before. Great job!”

I like to remember our wedding day filled with love, beauty and perfection. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite go that way.

Ten minutes before the ceremony I contracted a severe case of cold feet. Maybe I’d seen too many Lifetime movies where the loving husband changed into a maniac after she married him. Whatever the cause, I made up my mind that the man I planned to marry was a complete stranger, so I did what any mature woman would do — locked myself in the bathroom. It was only for a few minutes, and I never told my husband about it. Of course, one of my loud-mouthed brothers gleefully spilled the beans last year.

After the ceremony we all sat down to beautiful arranged tables covered in antique linen tablecloths and crystal glasses. My teenage son stood up to give his toast and, as he’d seen everyone else do, picked up his knife to tap it against the side of his glass to get the crowd’s attention. Unfortunately he was a bit overzealous and the glass broke, spewing red wine all over his new step-sister. I’m sure they’ll make up soon.

We had the wedding at a tiny B&B out in the country that had just opened. In fact, we were their first event. The owners told me they didn’t drink but wouldn’t have a problem serving if I would provide the wine, which I did. As they were moving around the table pouring red wine in everyone’s glass, I overheard one of my brothers ask for white.

“Sorry,” the owner said. “But all we got is red and yeller.”

That’s it. No more problems. Everything else was perfect. Oh yea, except when we arrived at our hotel at 2 am we were given the keys to our suite which, upon opening the door and carrying me across the threshold, we discovered was a conference room. And the honeymoon was at a lovely mid-priced all-inclusive resort in Mexico. Unfortunately we arrived in time for Spring Break which included at no extra charge, blaring rock music and drunken students vomiting in the hallways.

Ah yes, I remember it all clearly now.

5 thoughts on “We Only Got The Yeller

  1. Janet

    I was there and I can verify this all really happened. You forgot to add Grandmother tripping on the stairs.


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