Karma’s a Bitch, Man

All I did was kill a few cockroaches and now look what’s happened.

Last week my husband and I rented a condo on the beach in North Carolina. I picked it off the internet so was pleasantly surprised to walk in and see it was very similar to the pictures. Garage on the first floor, living room/kitchen on the next and finally, the bedroom at the top of a winding flight of stairs. There was even, as advertised, an ocean view. Okay, you had to lean over the deck railing to see it, but hey, it was there.

Unfortunately we came home that evening to find giant cockroaches swarming our food in the kitchen. I’m talking GIANT cockroaches. You learn a lot about a person when there’s an emergency. For example, my big strong handsome husband? Scared of cockroaches. I ran upstairs and jumped on the bed — where every woman knows, no pest can reach you, right? I dialed the landlord and through my chattering teeth told them the problem. They explained (quite haughtily I might add) that the bugs were Palmetto bugs. And even though they were harmless water bugs, they would be by in the morning to exterminate.

People who know me, know that I don’t like chemicals. I only eat organic food. I don’t allow pressure treated wood to be used in my house. I even apologized to my trees when the electrical company came by to trim them. But, GIANT cockroaches? Bring on the weapons of mass destruction, baby. I wanted them obliterated!

The next day few days were miserable as the poisoned bugs wandered aimlessly around the condo before flipping onto their backs and crossing their six legs, looking for all the world like a corpse in a casket. All my time inside was spent cowering in the middle of the bed on the top floor of the condo. Payback, right?

Not quite. We made it home without incident and being an avid gardener, the first thing I did was to run out and check my beautiful organic vegetable garden. Somehow, something (giant cockroaches?) had torn/chewed/blown a hole in the netting surrounding my precious greens. So, instead of seeing row upon row of green leafy lettuces, there was only bare ground. My entire crop had been obliterated!

Like I said, Karma’s a Bitch, Man.

13 thoughts on “Karma’s a Bitch, Man

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  3. KL Frank

    I once attempted to channel Morgaine la Fay. Her response was to tell me that I would never be accepted by the faerie until I could accept all creatures and that that included the cockroach.
    What I cannot accept is that they will outlast us on this planet. That Coyote will, doesn’t bother me a bit. But cockroaches, never. Ah say, never.

  4. Cathy Robertson

    Hilarious!!!!! One night YEARS ago I walked into my apartment and went into the dark kitchen to get something to drink out of the fridge, when, out of the corner of my eye I saw something MOVING!!!! Upon closer inspection I found a cockroach (my landlord also called it a “water bug”). I wanted it destroyed IMMEDIATELY, but I thought I should turn on the light first to see what I was actually dealing with….one or hundreds. As I flipped on the “light” this giant cockroach stood on his rear legs and ROARED at me. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
    I jumped back in fear and imagine my delight when the “roaring” was merely my garbage disposal. Oooops, wrong switch.
    Your story reminded me of this “happy” moment. lol

  5. Bob

    I’ve heard tell of steel-eating cockroaches marching south from the Rust Belt looking for homes in the Golden Ghettor. Better get that blowtorch out again.

  6. Lafemmeroar

    lolol. Spirits of dead bugs invaded your organic garden. Poor veggies. I didn’t know karma was that quick. I’ve heard of flying cockroaches … have you? Were you able to salvage any of the veggies?

    1. Teresa Vratil Post author

      Yes, flying too! Oooo, shivers up and down my spine again. Yuck! A few sad leaves left but not to worry, I spent the morning errecting a gleaming metal fence. Ha! Let’s see them get past that!


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