Category Archives: Depression

Hello, from a deep dark cave.

MayorTHello, residents of Crazie Town.

You may be wondering where in the world have I been for the last 616 days? Then again maybe not.  Maybe you don’t care one whit about me.  But, before you delete this, I’ll share one parting shot from my Catholic Guilt Mother, “Go ahead without me.  I’ll be fine here all by myself.”

Somewhere, around day 597, I crawled into a deep, dark cave, curled up in a fetal position, and decided it was a good way to live out the rest of my life.

A few months ago I was listening to a podcast from best motivational speaker ever, Mama Ru/ aka: Drag Superstar RuPaul, and when asked how his past formed his life he said, “I am NOT a victim.”

Five little words changed my path.

Those words circled around my head for weeks, then they moved to my heart, then to my soul.  I realized I didn’t want to be a victim anymore.

But how could I change my entire way of thinking?

I now read every self-help book I can get my hands on.   I write my thoughts and fears and, (dare I say it?) dreams, in journals.  Lots and lots of journals.

Here is a small sampling of what I’ve mowed through so far.

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I have a loooong way to go.  As the lyrics from my favorite song remind me all day long – “I am brave. I am bruised. I am who I’m meant to be.  This is me!”

Who I am is not a victim.