Recommended for Out-of-Control Freaks: Bag-O-Calm

Finally got around to cleaning out my travel purse from my east coast trip.  Found these items, which ended up being a walk down memory lane.

*Boarding Pass.  The trip started with our usual adventurous (my husband would call it torturous) drive to the airport.  I’ll admit it, I’m a terrible backseat driver.  Every few minutes I gasp, grab the door handle and press my foot on the imaginary brake that I wish resided on my side of the car.  What’s weird though is, if I close my eyes, I travel just fine.  It reminds me of watching Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.  When they captured an out-of-control animal they covered its eyes to keep it calm.  I’m thinking about inventing just such a thing for out-of-control freaks such as myself.  I’m going to call it Bag-O-Calm.

*Box of Bandaids.  While in New York we walked about a hundred miles every day and because I was wearing my “trendy” shoes, I got blisters.

*DuaneReade.  Receipt for cushions to put inside stupid “trendy” shoes.

*Reserved Sign.  Went to Birdland where seats were held for my VIP Brother – not Prescoe or even Presscove but Pressgrove.  It’s a difficult name, I know.  Presscot is the usual mistake but my favorite ever had to be Bumgrove.  Now my last name is Vratil – which always, always get’s written out as Brattle.  I’ve learned to say and explain it all in one breath like this. “Vratil-V-As-In-Victor.” One time, while looking for my name on a list, after I said Vratil-V-As-In-Victor, the woman said, “But, I don’t know how to spell Victor.”

*Non-Working Metro Pass Form.  More than once I bought a subway pass and it was rejected.  VIP Brother said this had never happened to him in all the years he’s been in New York. Figures.

*Northshire Bookstore.  Visited my best pal, Gina, and walked into her town’s wonderful independent bookstore.  They had a large sign announcing PRINT ON DEMAND available.  I thought it would be cool to watch a copy of my book come off their press, so I demanded that they print it.  Turns out, it doesn’t work that way and I didn’t go over so well.

*Program for Mark My Words.  Attended a Mark Twain writing program with WTF Alumni, Kerry.  We managed to finagle (pay) our way in to the author’s reception.  As you’ve learned by now, I don’t like strangers so I stood in my well-practiced wallflower position on the edge of the room.  Kerry dared me to go up and talk to someone.  I don’t know why – maybe it was the three diet cokes talking – but I did it.  We ended up meeting two wonderful women, who we chatted with the entire time, totally missing our opportunity to meet the authors.  Which was fine with me because that R. L. Stine seems like one strange stranger.

2 thoughts on “Recommended for Out-of-Control Freaks: Bag-O-Calm

  1. dawndowney

    You sound like my mom in the car. She closed her eyes, too, which really made us drivers crazy. She usually wore really dark glasses, but I don’t think they were dark enough.


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