Do You Leak?

While I was in my doctor’s office this week, getting a physical, he asked the same boring questions he asks every year.  Do you smoke?  Drink?  Any shortness of breath?  Any headaches?   On and on.  Occasionally I paused, pretending to mull over the question.  You know, just to give him a little thrill that I might have some life-threatening disease.

Then he turned the page and asked, “Do you ever leak?”

I paused for real this time.  “Do I leak?”

His eyes remained on the page.  “You know, ummm, leak.”

“Sorry, I don’t know.”  I looked down at my body.  “I mean, where would I be leaking?”

He blushed a bit (did I mention my doctor is my cousin?)  and pointed to my lower half.  “Urine.  Do you leak urine?”

“Well, no.” I exhaled with relief.  “No, I don’t.”

He looked back at page two of the form and continued with the new list.  “Any trouble with arthritis?”


A dozen more questions that he’d never asked me before and yet, they seemed vaguely familiar.  Then he answered one of them himself.  “I can skip this one because you’re not old enough yet to need the pneumonia vaccine.”

Ahhh, there it was.  I realized why the questions sounded familiar.  They’d been asked of my father each time I went with him to visit his doctor.

So, although I’m not thrilled at qualifying for the Page Two Old People Questions, I’m trying to look at the bright side.   At least I don’t leak.


7 thoughts on “Do You Leak?

  1. Serene life

    Yeah, I was given the “senior” discount at the grocery store last week. My wounded self esteem loved the cheaper groceries.

  2. Bob

    Do you leak? I can hardly wait to see if my doctor asks me that question when I go for my visit on December 19. Thanks for preparing me. If he asks, I’ll smile and say, “Leak? It’s more like an ooze.” Then we’ll see what he has to say about that response.


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