Category Archives: Uncategorized

Invisible Me

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Do you ever have days when you are invisible?

My sister and I talk about this a lot.  Some days we wake up, and for no reason we can determine, we’re invisible.

The other day as I waited to board a flight, they announced that it was oversold and asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to surrender their seat for a $300 voucher.  I joined several other people in line to inquire about the details.  I waited patiently (well, okay, not that patiently) for my turn.  When there was only one woman in front of me, a man walked up next to her.

These are the thoughts that ran through my head.

Does he not see me?  Oh, he sees me all right.

Is he with her?  No way.  She’s young, he’s old.

It’s only one person, don’t get your panties in a bunch, okay?  No way am I letting the jerk cut in line.

While I’m having this conversation in my head, the woman in front of me leaves.   The old guy steps in front of me.  “How can I get on this plane?” he asks the clerk.

“Um, excuse me.” I say.  “Hello?  I was here first.”  Nothing.  No acknowledgement from the man, no acknowledgement from the clerk.  I turn around to look at the person behind me in line.  They stare right through me.  I’m invisible.

The clerk tells the man that the flight is oversold and he’ll have to wait.  He steps to the side and I walk up to get the details of changing my flight.  Before I agree to change I point to the jerk standing to the side and ask if I give up my seat, will this guy get it?  When she says yes, I say forget it then, and walk off with a satisfied smirk on my face.

Okay, it didn’t really happen that way.  I found out the next flight didn’t get me to Kansas City until midnight so decided not to take the voucher.  But, hey, invisible me really showed that guy, right?

I Promised I Wouldn’t Tell, But…

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When my husband and I merged families we ended up with two boys the same age.  I’ll call them Phinias and Ferb.  I promised Ferb I would never post this story, but my deadline is looming and he pulled the toilet out of the bathroom and left it in the basement, so I figure we’ll be even after this.

Back when the boys were teenagers, I came across a six-pack of condoms laying on the ironing board in the extra bedroom.  Furious, I marched into Phinias’ room and demanded to know where they came from.

“They’re not mine,” he said.

I questioned him again.  “Are you sure these aren’t yours?’

“They’re not even the brand I use.”

WHAT? THE? “Not the brand you use?  I’m coming back for you later, buddy.”

On to Ferb’s room.  “Are these yours?”  I waved the condoms in his face.

“Uhhh…no?”

“You may as well tell me now, because I’m not going to leave until I get an answer.”

I got the answer all right.  It seems our little entrepreneur was renting out the spare room — complete with bunk beds — to his friends to have sex in.

“Ewww!”  I dropped the condoms in the trash.

“New rule,” I screamed.

(New Rules were instated a lot during their teenage years – like, No Dogs on the Dining Room Table! or, No Syphoning Gas Out of My Car!)

“No one,” I shouted, “and I mean NO ONE is allowed to have sex in this house except your Dad and I.”

I was pleased to hear Phinias and Ferb yell, “Ewww!”

We all suffered from nightmares after that.