When my husband and I merged families we ended up with two boys the same age. I’ll call them Phinias and Ferb. I promised Ferb I would never post this story, but my deadline is looming and he pulled the toilet out of the bathroom and left it in the basement, so I figure we’ll be even after this.
Back when the boys were teenagers, I came across a six-pack of condoms laying on the ironing board in the extra bedroom. Furious, I marched into Phinias’ room and demanded to know where they came from.
“They’re not mine,” he said.
I questioned him again. “Are you sure these aren’t yours?’
“They’re not even the brand I use.”
WHAT? THE? “Not the brand you use? I’m coming back for you later, buddy.”
On to Ferb’s room. “Are these yours?” I waved the condoms in his face.
“Uhhh…no?”
“You may as well tell me now, because I’m not going to leave until I get an answer.”
I got the answer all right. It seems our little entrepreneur was renting out the spare room — complete with bunk beds — to his friends to have sex in.
“Ewww!” I dropped the condoms in the trash.
“New rule,” I screamed.
(New Rules were instated a lot during their teenage years – like, No Dogs on the Dining Room Table! or, No Syphoning Gas Out of My Car!)
“No one,” I shouted, “and I mean NO ONE is allowed to have sex in this house except your Dad and I.”
I was pleased to hear Phinias and Ferb yell, “Ewww!”
We all suffered from nightmares after that.
CRAZIE TOWN 
Lol wow…smart kids but I’m sorry you had to go through that. My friends mom was so into safe sex she used to put condoms in his glove box and pockets of eveything. Funniest stories…
Thanks, Sara.
Both boys are normal productive citizens now. Whew!
HILARIOUS!!! I have nothing remotely close to that type of story. Girls must be a lot easier???? Anyway, thanks for the story and the belly laugh!!!
Cathy,
So funny, I always thought boys were easier than girls. When you discipline a boy they say “You suck!” and ten minutes later they’re telling you they love you. Girls cry and pout and hold grudges. At least that’s what I did.
Remind me never to trust you when you say, “I won’t tell anyone about (fill in the blank).”
Agree with Kerry, capitalism made America great and the boy was only making a little money on the side. Did condoms come with the cost of the room? Did he have both bunkbeds occupied and did he charge less money if both beds were taken? Inquiring minds want to know.
Bob,
I promise I won’t tell everyone about your….Oops!
I always assumed Ferb provided the condoms with the room but he wasn’t very forthcoming with information. He has grown up to be quite the entrepreneur and we’re very proud of him.
Wahahahahahahahhahah! Love that story! I have nothing remotely close, so no relevant comments, but gotta love that entrepenural spirit!
Kerry,
Glad I could make you smile. Come to think of it, my parents did a lot of smiling while I was trying to contain two teenagers. Wonder what that was about. LOL.
OMG. OR SHOULD I SAY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGG!
Teresa, this explains a lot. The only thing I don’t understand is why you didn’t turn prematurely gray (or did you???)
Maril,
I think any time a woman’s hair turns gray it’s premature and yes, mine as well. I spend a LOT of money every year making sure i remain a natural blonde.
I think that you can safely say that you got your revenge! And I love that you call them Phineas and Ferb!
Dear What I Meant 2 Say,
Thanks for the comment. Your reply made me think of the dozens of other struggles we had during those years. Ahhh, memories. 🙂
Fantastic. Especially love that it has been posted due to the toilet removal.
Oh, the stories I could tell. I might dedicate the next few weeks to teenage boy stories.