Sibling Position #3
At Christmas Eve, I told my family I planned to skip over myself and on to First Little Brother.
“NOT FAIR!” Crazie Family shouted. “You have to share an embarrassing story about yourself.”
“Umm, I thought that’s what I did every week,” I said.
“Tell the one about running away,” Big Sister said.
“Already did it.”
“Write about the time you got your elbows stuck in Grandmother’s chair,” Big Brother insisted.
“How about the time we euthanized a mouse?” First Little Brother asked.
“Done and done.”
Over the next hour they tried to come up with a story about my childhood that I haven’t yet told, and would sufficiently embarrass me.
“Remember how she was too short to reach both pedals of a bike?” My Aunt said.
“Oh, yeah,” Big Brother said. “Dad put a step stool on the side of a hill so she could get a rolling start. Then she’d push the right pedal down until she couldn’t reach, then the left pedal would be high enough. She had to ram into the side of the barn to stop.”
“Ha, ha,” Second Little Brother laughed. “She walked around all summer with a big goose egg on her forehead.”
“That’s a good one.” I laughed along with them and then stared at my husband, sending the ESP message not to tell the story about my latest shopping experience.
He was a good husband and did not share, but in the spirit of fairness and since its now obvious to me that no one from my family reads my posts anyway, here it is.
I was in the dressing room of a nice clothing store trying to find something to fit my latest personality switch. Halfway through a dozen outfits, a massive hot flash struck me.
Normally, before I leave a dressing room, my OCD requires that I return everything to its proper hanger and hand the items to the clerk. Not this day. With sweat running into my eyes, I left the clothes in a pile on the floor, grabbed my coat and hurried out the door to stand on the sidewalk in the freezing air. The hot flash now gone and my teeth chattering, I quickly buttoned up my down coat and headed off to meet my friend for lunch.
Climbing into the booth, I removed my coat and immediately sensed something was wrong. Perhaps it was the questioning look on my friend’s face, then again it could have been the goose bumps breaking out on my arms.
It seems, in my hurry to exit the dressing room, I left my shirt in the pile of clothing on the floor.
To ease the embarrassment factor on this story, I will tell you that, thanks to my love of all things Spanx, I was sporting one of their industrial strength tank tops.
But, then to crank the embarrassment back up, I had to return to the nice clothing store and, in front of everyone waiting to pay, explain that I’d forgotten to put my shirt on before I left the store. Without a word, the clerk turned around and using the two-finger “I’m holding something disgusting” method, handed me a small bag containing my blouse.
See what you’ve done, Crazie Family? As I write this, I’m suffering another hot flash…from embarrassment. Happy now?