I know you are, but what am I?

Future Character

My dad was a certified Eccentric Character. A title he wore proudly. When I think of him, a little slideshow of images flash through my mind.

A young version of Dad walking into my first job.  He wore a pair of Buddy Holly type glasses but the thick black side pieces were on the outside of his ears, because “they hurt my head.”  He just smiled and waved at me as I tried to hide.

An older, much fatter, version of Dad.  My husband and I were sitting in the living room watching TV.  Dad walked out of his bedroom wearing only a t-shirt and briefs, but held a tiny hand towel in front of his chest for modesty.  He smiled and waved.

These antics of his used to embarrass me to no end.  But, I’ve begun to notice, I’m not that unlike him after all.

Current Character

Here I am in New York, staying at my brother’s apartment. He was out of town and kindly allowed me to use his place as a writing retreat. He lives in a beautiful loft with 8 foot windows. It was late and I was cold, because the window in front of me wouldn’t quite close all the way. In the outfit you see before you, I climbed up on the windowsill, and like a flannel-clad Spiderwoman, edged my way from one end of the wall of windows, to the other. Plastered against the glass, struggling to get the window to close, I looked up to see the people in the apartment building across the street watching me.   I smiled and waved.

Earlier this week I stepped out my car at the gym and realized I’d forgotten to change my shoes.  I still had on my fuzzy bedroom slippers.  I thought about going back home to change but then said, “Oh well.”  I rode the stationery bike which faces the running track. Each time someone rounded the corner they stumbled a bit as they stared at me.  I smiled and waved.

Yes, Family, it’s true.  I have stepped onto the slippery slope of Eccentric Characterdom.  Be afraid, be very afraid.

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Trendsetters

Matching Dresses $#%?!

When I was little…well, I’ve always been little…when I was young, my Grandmother Nellie sewed several sets of matching dresses for my sister and me.  To any young parents out there – This is NOT okay!

I was a tomboy so didn’t like dresses in the first place and when I finally managed, after several years, to grow out of the first dress  that I hated, I had to wear the exact same dress again handed down from my sister.

I’ve been thinking about clothes a lot this week because I’ve crossed paths with two unique individuals that I can’t quite get out of my head.  The first one was at the shoe repair shop.  I walked in to see a slightly stooped old man behind a tall counter wearing a threadbare white button down shirt.  At the end of our conversation he walked out from behind the counter where I discovered he was wearing a pair of tight leather pants with a lace up crotch.  Hmmmm.

The next guy was at the coffee shop.  I stood behind what I could only assume to be a teenager – grey baggy hooded sweatshirt pulled over his head, extra-large/extra-baggy blue nylon shorts, orange banded white sport socks pulled up to just below the knee and brightly colored leather high top sneakers.  He bobbed his head to the rap music I could hear booming from his earbuds.  He turned around after he ordered his coffee and I was face to face with a 75-year-old man.  Hmmmm.

Evidently, these two guys found a look that worked for them and they decided to stick with it – FOREVER!

I’m looking at the picture above and realize that right now I’m probably not much taller than my sister was in this picture and since both dresses had 10 inch hems (notice the rick rack used to disguise the lengthening process) maybe I could still rock this look.  Hmmmm.

P.S. – More Trauma.  These are the kind of memories this picture brings up for me. Those wavy curls of mine were formed by an uncomfortable night sleeping on pink foam hair curlers.

Torture Device #1

Followed by a scratchy petticoat.

Torture Device #2

And the most humiliating of all…ruffled underpants.

Torture Device #3

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Bootstraps are Over Rated

My Closest Friends

Boxes of cold medicine, cases of Kleenix, gallons of water.  Like the volleyball, Wilson, in Cast Away, these items have become my best friends in the last five days.  It’s all I’ve seen from my deserted island in my bedroom.

Unlike Tom Hanks, I did not become the hero of this movie by yanking myself up by my bootstraps and carrying on.  No, not me.  I wallow under my quilts while I sneeze and cough and moan.

And, unlike the movies, I’m not lying in bed with full makeup and beautifully arranged hair.  My nose is red and raw, my eyes are stuck shut from some sort of self-producing super glue and my un-washed hair is plastered to my head.

I tried to get my act together long enough to get to my dentist for a long avoided teeth-cleaning appointment.  But, honestly, if I saw me walking through the doors, I’d run for the isolation chamber.

You might want to go wash you hands after you’ve read this post.

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Somehow I got up yesterday long enough to write this but was too out of it to actually click the Publish button.  Sorry this is late, but my dog ate my homework?  Ugh!  I’ll come up with a better excuse later.  Right now I’m going back to bed.

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Crazie Town Crier

Crazie Town Crier

Mom and I loved to cry at movies.  When I was little we’d run all the boys out of the room and tune in to the Hallmark Hall of Fame…or maybe it happened in the opposite order.  Anyway, we’d sit next to each other on the couch, holding a corner of a dishtowel, ready to wipe away our tears.

I recently discovered that not everyone likes to cry at movies.  What’s up with that?  This week I saw Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close and cried so hard I had to bite on my knuckles to keep from sobbing too loud.  I walked out of the theatre with mascara streaming down my cheeks and a smile on my face.

You should give it a try.  It’s great therapy.  So go ahead, be a cry baby.

 

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Beware Alligators

Beware TO Alligators

I want to be one of those perpetually nice people.  Really I do.  But it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out that way.

Our last trip was to Kiawah Island.  We landed at 11:30 pm in Charleston.  Charleston hates me, by the way.  The one other time I’ve been here we flew in slightly ahead of a hurricane with enough turbulence to last me a lifetime.  Then the driver got lost and couldn’t find our hotel.  Then the hotel didn’t have any electricity.

But I digress.  This time there was no driver.  We waited around until midnight, then convinced another driver to abandon his rider and take us to the hotel.  We arrived at the check-in desk around 1 am – behind six other people, one of who was trying to change rooms because he had no hot water.

I’m reading a book by Fannie Flagg and one of the characters is a perpetually happy person.  Hazel convinces her friends to take belly dancing lessons and then to march in a local parade.  She sounds like fun.  Hazel sounds like someone I want to be like.

Instead, I’m like my Grandmother Nellie.  I spent the trip sighing, moaning and mumbling nasty remarks under my breath.

Evidently embodying Grandmother Nellie burns a lot of calories because I woke up the next morning starving.  Our villa was a ten minute walk to a restaurant and we came across this sign along the way.  My husband kindly pointed out that with my bad attitude he thought the alligators were the ones in danger.  I decided to be Hazel and let him live.

 

 

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Everything’s Ruined When You Pee Your Pants

My Crazie Town family is quick to point out that I’m happy to post embarrassing information about them, but not so happy to post my own.  So here you go.

What could be more embarrassing then that?  How about this?

I laughed so hard, I peed my pants and had to go home.

There, are you happy now?

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Calling All Crazies

Welcome Back to Crazie Town!  As you can see by the chart on the left, I have good reason for being a little more Crazie then when the holiday season started.

A few weeks before Christmas I decided it would be a good idea to get all these dates out of my head and onto a white board that hangs on the door to my garage.

It was a good thought, except that every time I looked at it my blood pressure went up ten points.

Speaking of ten points (good segue, huh?) I need to call all my Crazies together and ask a BIG favor.  I’ve finished my book – YIPEE – and am actively searching for an agent.  I would love to be able to say I have over 1,000 followers on my blog.  Soooo, please repost me on your Facebook page or Tweet about me or just ask a friend to subscribe.

I promise I’ll put you on the Acknowledgement page of my book.  Okay, I had my fingers crossed on that one, but I’ll be grateful forever…or, for a long time anyway.

Next week’s post?:  Everything’s Ruined When You Pee Your Pants.

See you then!

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