Nefarious Fat-Stuffing Elves

I come from a long line of short, round women.  My sister once visited an International Food Festival.  She said she noticed something odd as she moved from the France booth, eastward through the Italy booth, pausing at the Germany booth and stopping at the Austria Booth.  The women changed from tall and lithe, to squat and plump.  I don’t need a 23 And Me test to know where I come from.

Horrible Grandmother Nellie was thinner than Mom but still, no model.  However, this did not stop her from criticizing her daughter’s size.

Before Mom died, she asked that I take all her journals.  Besides the occasional motherly comments about my latest weird haircut, the pages were filled with starting of diets, ending of diets and in between, all the self-loathing she could fit on a page.

For the first fifty years of my life, I’d only inherited the short part. Now, each year the nefarious fat-stuffing elves add a little more padding to my limbs, my belly, my face.

These evil elves’ antics are a constant surprise to me.  Suddenly my favorite shirt won’t button.  Abruptly, a muffin top appears above the waist of my jeans.  Out of the blue, my skinny jeans are too skinny for my thighs.

shutterstock_70376086 copyI’ve tried Whole 30, Paleo, Keto and counting calories.  It all ends with the same image staring back at me – short and round.

Today is Mom’s birthday.  In her honor, I surrender to the joy of being short and round.  Love you Mom!







9 thoughts on “Nefarious Fat-Stuffing Elves

  1. Rob McKnight

    Good Afternoon Teresa …

    … I tried to be the first person to *Like *today’s chapter (installment), but Word Press doubted that:

    1. I know who I am. 2. I actually have been trusted with an email account and, 3. I understand how to triple-verify anything.

    I am sitting in my basement bunker office, enjoying the thunder-and-lightning storm, and secretly pleased that we are *not* battling any crowds this weekend, or wondering how much *more* *snow* we need to get before the ‘dictator’ in charge of our Home’s Association will ‘call out the plows’!

    I am again *Liking* your writing.

    I hope you are well and enjoying wherever you and John now call home.

    Sometime soon I would like to see both of you.

    I want to tell you why I think you should consider starting a You Tube channel … and whatever is *not* related to visits to my doctors who all seem to be under the age of 35.

    Have a quiet and restful weekend,


    5259 West 121st Street Overland Park, KS 66209 913-642-4559

  2. julianne256

    Mayor, I have missed you! So happy you’re back with your unique blend of funny, wry, and deep. Yay!


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